A few weeks before Ramadan, I was in a constant state of anxiety. I was overthinking. I was stressed. I was worried. I was sad. I couldn’t sleep at night anymore. My mind was always awake filled with thoughts. This impacted my productivity during the day and my overall mood. Part of it was the uncertainty of the pandemic, but I knew it was much deeper than just that. I kept thinking about the future and about situations that had not even yet occurred in my personal life. The ‘what if this’ or ‘what if that’ were literally suffocating my mind. I was stressing myself out with scenarios that I created in my own mind.

As someone told me, I was only harming my own self with these thoughts. My state also had a negative impact on my relationships. I realized that my overthinking came from shaytān as a way to divert the mind from recognizing the blessings of Allah and being grateful towards Him.

I also realized that these thoughts were coming from a place of insecurity of past experiences. I was projecting the ‘what if’ scenarios towards a future that had not even occurred and might not even occur the way I was thinking about them. Once I recognized the source of my negative thoughts, I became more aware when these thoughts occurred. And so now I stop myself from dwelling into the spiral of anxious thinking before finding myself in a state of distress. I instantly divert my mind towards a positive memory and keep repeating to myself that Allah is in control of all things.

I am still in the process of healing and nurturing my mind. I am doing this by simply living in the moment. I remind myself that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. This is where my Lord placed me in this particular place and time. I need to embrace this particular moment, which is now. I only know today and this is the only reality that exists, and so I need to fully embrace it without worrying about a future that has yet to come.

I remind myself that Allah is my only reliance and He will not burden me with more that I can bear. I know and believe that His plan is the most perfect and everything will happen the way He decrees. And so overthinking not only negatively impacts me on a personal level, but it’s also shaytān’s way of keeping me away from the remembrance of my Lord. Being more mindful of Allah’s presence in my life, I liberate myself from those negative thoughts.

I am nowhere close to where I want to be mentally, but with gentleness and with sabr, I know I will eventually get there. I have and will likely continue to have days where my thoughts will immerse me, but as long as I can recognize those moments and remind myself that Allah is with me, I will overcome my state of anxiety.

A reminder to be gentle and kind to ourselves. A reminder that all we can do is control our thoughts and the way we decide to react to a situation. In the end, Allah is in control of everything. And only Allah knows best.

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“If you want eternal paradise, fully immerse yourself into this moment.” -Elif Shifak