Lately, I’ve been feeling distant.
Distant from myself and from Him.
This distance has created a void in my heart that doesn’t seem to leave.
I know its cure, yet I don’t seem have the will to fill the emptiness.
I am weak and I feel weak.
But I am hopeful for I place my trust in my Lord. 

In all honesty, this past Ramadan has been the toughest. I struggled spiritually. I was weak and I knew it, but still I did nothing. It started well enough, but I lost my will for everything. I stopped pushing myself to become  and do better. I began losing count of my prayers and put no effort to pray them back. These moments were extremely difficult not only on a spiritual level, but also physical. I thought to myself what’s the point. I felt like I had gone so far away that there was no point of doing anything.

I lost my purpose. I lost Him. I lost my will to lower my head and place my forehead on the ground. And I was ashamed. Ashamed of who I had become. I was not honest with myself. I was embarrassed to return to Him because I felt as tough I was not worthy of His mercy. I had to force myself to pray because I knew I couldn’t go on like this. And when I did pray, I cried to my Lord with my forehead on the ground in fear of losing sight of Him again. Asking for forgiveness for who I had become.

I realized that my Lord has and will always be here. He had not moved, but rather I did. I had lost Him. For a moment I forgot that He is the one who forgives. He is the Forgiver and the most Merciful. I cried and promised that I would not make the same mistakes again and I would push myself to heel my soul. Yet here I am again with the same void in my heart.

I feel empty without Him. I see no purpose to life when a day passes without His remembrance because the truth is that my entire existence is depended on Him. So how can I easily forget the One who gave me a life.

Tough today I feel this way, I am certain that these difficult times will pass. I trust my Lord and I know I will come back to Him. And in these moments I realize that feeling spiritually empty at times is part of life. It is a struggle that makes us human and in some way improves our relationship to God. I was trying to reach a false ideal of perfection, which only caused pain. I am constantly reminding myself that perfection is not the ultimate goal, especially not in this life. Once I completely liberate my thoughts from this false ideal, only then will I truly know God. It may take time, but I know that it’s completely normal and completely human to feel this way sometimes. This struggle is definitely not an easy one. But it is a battle that can be defeated with trust, determination, sincerity and faith. 

With this in mind, I compiled a short list of different habits that I try to incorporate in my daily life to remain in constant remembrance of God. I pray that this list benefits everyone. 

1. Learn about God through His names.
   Set a goal to remember and learn the attributes of God’s name, maybe one name a day or one name a week.
2. Understand God through the Quran.
   Set a goal to read one or two verses with its translation once a day during a specific time, like before going to bed.
3. Read about the Prophet and incorporate his way of life in your own. Read a biography of the Prophet, maybe one or two pages a day. These are some books I recommend:
   •Muhammad: His life based on the early sources by Martin Lings
   •The Sealed Nectar: Biography of the Noble Prophet by Sheikh Safiur-Rahman al-Mubarkpuri
   •Muhammad: Man and Prophet by Adil Salahi
4. Listen to a religious/spiritual podcast. 
   Listen to a podcast on your way to work or school. I recommend these two:
   •SoulFood FM
   •Qalam Institute Podcast
5. Worship through prayer.
    Set a personalized goal to pray (one prayer a day and slowly increase).
    Personally, this is the most challenging for me, but the most important act of worship that heals my soul. Just wanting to pray in itself is a gift.

To anyone going through a similar struggle, we will find peace and comfort in our hearts. I pray that our relationship with God improves and our love for Him is the only kind of love our soul strives for. May we all taste the sweetness of being close to God. 

I also pray that our acts of worship come from a clean and pure heart. I pray that we worship our Lord with sincerity and faith because no act is more fruitful than the one that is done for the sake of Allah. 

“How great is to cry just for His sake
 And for a heart, through love of Him, to bake!”-Rumi