A good daughter listens and obeys. She is the one who does not speak her mind. She remains quiet and listens to her elders. She does not question her surrounding. She only does what she is told to do. These are traits of a good daughter.

There is no place for a daughter who speaks the truth and remains faithful to her values. how dare she speak her mind. how dare she not listen to her parents. how dare she reject a proposal. How dare she. Good daughters do not say no, they only say yes. They do not put into words how they feel, they just do. So how dare she speak up. how dare she use her rights, how dare she say no to her parents. How dare she.

Don’t even attempt to break your chains, because you will fail. You will be dragged back to the same space that has suffocated you. That space that does not know freedom and choice. You are meant to be controlled and manipulated. But why? Because you are a good daughter and you are obedient. And this, is the outcome of being a good daughter in a desi household.

You will never be good enough for your parents. You can never please them. Never satisfy them. You can take part in household chores, listen to you elders, preserve your chastity, and even exceed financially, educationally and professionally, but you will never be enough. Never be complete. Never be whole. But why? Because you are a daughter. You are a woman.

A good daughter is expected to reach perfection, but if she has never known perfection, how is she meant to attain it. For parents, that perfection is sought in comparison to other daughters. “Why can’t you be like her?”. “She is such a good daughter because she obeyed her parents”. You will be given the silent treatment and then made to feel guilty. Guilty about not being a good daughter. Guilty about not pleasing your parents or bringing them happiness. You are made to feel worthless until you convince yourself that this is your worth. You are never enough. And maybe you will never be.

Your efforts will never be acknowledged no matter how much you sacrifice for your parents or family. And the reason behind this is because what you do will never be as significant as what your parents did for you. But the lack of appreciation from people who are the most beloved to daughters is honestly selfish, inconsiderate and mentally affecting.

I truly hope that we raise strong, independent, confident and intelligent daughters, in ways that make them feel powerful, expressive and creative. My hope is that women are never meant to feel less worthy, less fulfilled and less competent because of who they are. That their efforts are acknowledged, appreciated and rewarded. That their worth is never compared to other women and especially that they are never made to feel as though they are not enough or complete.

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I want to thank a very dear friend of mine for helping me with this blog post. To be honest, I was struggling to finish this post, because these are my realities and sometimes sharing them on an open platform is frankly intimidating and even emotional. But my friend shared her thoughts and frustration with me about being a daughter and expectations families and societies have of ‘good daughters’, which helped in writing this post and for this reason I am truly grateful towards her. I hope that we can break our chains to reach a space that provides freedom and a healthy state of mind for all of us.